Filed under: Comedy
My new time waster is following Shaq on Twitter. There’s something endearing about his deep thoughts, bad grammar, bad spelling, and how he quotes himself sometimes.
Here are some of my favorite Twitterings:
How come i have the mr rogers neighborhhood theme song stuk n my head, iz he still alive
Im wearing a jacket dat says 1946, a lady asked me wat it means, i replied, mam its the yr i was born. Lol
All my life, i pray for someone like you, and i thank god that i finally found you Kci and jojo
Filed under: Comedy
I must be getting old if I am cracking up because I can relate to this list.
25 Signs You Are Getting Old
Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 a.m . is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You take naps.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good sh!t.”
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
“I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh sh!t what the hell!”
Filed under: Comedy
My BFF always tells me these awesome, corny jokes. Here’s a good one she told me last night.
————
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look! I’m changing.
———–
Ha^3!
My guilty pleasure is looking at LOLcats everyday and giggling in my cubicle about how they can’t speak English very well. My other guilty pleasure is checking out the mugshots on The Smoking Gun website.
Here are a couple of my favorite ones and the captions from the website.
“James Traficant, the hairhat-wearing former Ohio congressman, was photographed at the Summit County, Ohio jail in July 2002. The disgraced Democrat was awaiting transfer to a federal prison where he will serve eight years after being found guilty of racketeering, bribery, and fraud charges.”
“Floridian Jon Matteson, who pleaded no contest in June 2005 to a reckless driving count, was wearing a rather distinctive t-shirt when he posed for the below Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office mug shot following his December 2004 DUI arrest. We’re sure the 28-year-old Matteson was more appropriately attired in Circuit Court when he was sentenced to a year’s probation, fined $775, and ordered to perform 50 hours of community service.”
I really need to sound smarter when I talk to people about having an internet connection in their homes. I always say, “Do you have the internet?” (The internet, you know, that magical place where magic happens). People usually give me a puzzled look, as if I’m that senior citizen that’s just learning how to turn on the computer. It’s like when I teach my parents a new “computer” word, they use it like crazy. For example, I taught them the word “email” but they use it for everything that has to do with computers, including things that have nothing to do with emailing. If they need driving directions, they’ll say, “Jean, email the directions.” Or if they want to buy some product that you can only get online, they’ll say, “Jean, email that phone battery.” I remember in the 80s when my brother told me that there was this whole “information superhighway” thing happening and how it was going to change the world. I really just thought he was talking about a new freeway being built and I couldn’t understand how less traffic could really change the world. And how!
Okay, well, this blog entry is about the cool stuff you can see on the internet.
COOL THINGS TO CHECK OUT THIS WEEK:
Free streaming TV show:
“Arrested Development“ is my favorite show of all time. Too bad Fox canceled it, but good thing MSN sees how life-altering this show can be. If you’ve missed any episodes or if you’d like to re-watch any of them, you can see all of season one and most of season two here. And it’s all streaming! You don’t have to download any junk and it’s from a real legit site too.
Music video of the week:
France is just oozing with great electronic music. You’ve got your Air, your Daft Punk and now you’ve got your Justice. Their song, “D.A.N.C.E.” is so addictive with its Mickey Mouse Club-like chants and awesome beats, that you can’t help but listen to it on repeat…repeatedly. The video’s amazing too, showing a bunch of cool T-shirts I wish I owned.
Comedy video of the week:
I can’t get enough of Cute with Chris. His affinity toward horses, cats, dogs, and T-Pain makes me feel like we would be best friends in real life. Real life. Check out this video where he hilariously recites the lyrics to T-Pain’s “Buy You a Drank“. I’m adding T-Pain’s original video to this list too so you can compare the two videos.
Have you checked out of work already…mentally? I know you’re just youtubing at work so while you’re at it, check out the youtube videos I’m hooked on this week. I promise I have good taste in bad jokes.
Music:
*MSTRKRFT’s remix of Metric’s “Monster Hospital”. The video just contains clips from the original Metric video, but that doesn’t really matter because you should really only be listening to song, which is amazing. This remix is way better than the original.
*Fiona Apple’s “Not About Love”. Nothing is better than seeing the Largo regular, Zach Galifianakis lip sync to her video. His beard is adorable. I’d love to get me some of dat!
LOL or LQTM (laughing quietly to myself):
*The premise of this Japanese game show is if they laugh, they’ll have to suffer the consequences. If you find this funny, let’s be BFF.
