Sa-ku-ra
I went to not one, but three restaurants last night that had sushi rolls on the menu. It was a very Japanese-themed evening. I mesmerized my friends by softly singing “Sa-ku-ra, sa-ku-ra” while slowly waving my hands from left to right, as if to say “hello, there friend”. Yes, it worked quite well and I was able to steal all their money…and souls. Just kidding. Maybe.
Anyhow, a friend of a friend wanted me to give him tips on what to do in Japan because he would be going there next week. After telling him about all the Tokyo hot spots, I didn’t know what else to get into. My best friend, who also spent a year there with me told him not to sleep around in Japan without protection. She went into the statistics of the AIDS rate rapidly increasing in Japan. Crazy, I know. We warned him about the cute Japanese girls wearing prom dresses standing near busy intersections. First you think, “hmm why are these dolled-up girls holding signs?”, but then you would wonder, “why are they talking to me in a high-pitched voice?” Oh yes, fellas, they want your money and…to give you cooties. Hostesses are my favorite people to visit. It’s cool to have people flirt with you for money while you buy them overpriced drinks from the bar they work at. The male hosts are even better. They wear tuxedos. I want my men in formal wear at all times.
Oh Engrish! (Chapter 1)
Learning English as a second language is definitely difficult. Teaching it is just as hard, but one of the perks is the hilarious things students say without realizing that they’re being perverse. Let’s take today for example. I had the students write “Have you ever…?” questions and then use those questions to interview each other. While monitoring the students, I came upon one girl asking a male student, “Have you ever laid somebody?” I double-checked if her pronunciation was off, but those exact words were clearly written in her notebook. He answered “yes,” and then looked at me and said, “wait, what does ‘laid’ mean?” I didn’t even know where to start. Before I got into what “laid” really meant, I realized she meant to ask “Have you ever lied to somebody?”
You can’t make this stuff up.
*more “Oh Engrish!” to come in chapter 2…
