I just discovered Tumblr.  Yea, I know…  Where the hell have I been?  Well, Mr. Fancy Pants, I’m finally there.  So please visit my new site at composedelements.tumblr.com for more shits and giggles.

My new time waster is following Shaq on Twitter. There’s something endearing about his deep thoughts, bad grammar, bad spelling, and how he quotes himself sometimes.

Here are some of my favorite Twitterings:

How come i have the mr rogers neighborhhood theme song stuk n my head, iz he still alive 8:05 AM Nov 29th from txt

Is plexico in trouble, mayor bloomberg sounded mad 1:05 PM Dec 1st from txt

Cant sleep i think i maay have mental imsomnia, plus im watchn the lost boys 10:59 PM Nov 23rd from txt

On my way to oklahoma city, gettin ready to send 2 million lbs of peanut butta to africa 12:52 PM Nov 24th from txt

Im wearing a jacket dat says 1946, a lady asked me wat it means, i replied, mam its the yr i was born. Lol 3:17 PM Nov 24th from txt

The best way to secure happiness is 2 b az happy as u can everyday Shaquille oneal 7:26 PM Dec 8th from txt

All my life, i pray for someone like you, and i thank god that i finally found you Kci and jojo 1:50 AM Dec 5th from txt

I think I’ve been really tired lately. My comebacks have been getting worse and I’ve been stuttering a lot too.

The other day while I was driving, this poorly fixed-up Honda cut me off on the freeway. I responded with, “What? You think you have a n-n-n-nice car?” My friend, who was sitting in the passenger seat, laughed at me and said “N-n-n-nice!”

No, I’m not talking about a baby Guile from Street Fighter.  I was sitting in my apartment yesterday afternoon watching Arrested Development when I heard a couple of loud booming sounds on my ceiling.  The only thing I could think of was that somebody dropped a couch or refrigerator on my roof.  But that idea didn’t make sense, so I edged over to the other side of the room just in case my ceiling would collapse.  Later when I met my friend downstairs, he told me he heard other people complaining about the boom as well.  Must’ve been a heavy couch.  Then I saw an article today about the Space shuttle Endeavour landing at the Edwards Air Force Base and causing a sonic boom over LA. 

I asked my coworker if he had heard the boom as well.

ME: Did you hear that sonic boom yesterday?
COWORKER: Yea I did. That was the shuttle landing.
ME: Did you know that ahead of time?
COWORKER: No, at first I thought someone fell off the roof so I went outside to check if anybody was hurt. Then I realized I heard two booms, so I figured it was a shuttle landing, because you get one boom from the front engine and the other from the back. Then I looked online and I was right.

I felt like a country bumpkin. Maybe it is common knowledge that shuttles make sonic boom boom sounds. It reminded me of the time my family first experienced an earthquake. We had just moved from Wisconsin where there weren’t any earthquakes and before that, my parents lived in other countries that didn’t have earthquakes either. When the ground started shaking, my whole family was utterly confused. My mom told us to run outside and grab onto a pole. So there we were, all six of us, each holding onto a pole, wondering why nobody else was outside doing the same.

This was my all time favorite quote from my friend.  She couldn’t remember the name of Launchpad from that cartoon “Darkwing Duck.”

“Wasn’t his name Horatio? Wait…I mean Horace…”

She recently confessed to me that she said “Horace” after “Horatio” just in case she was wrong with the first guess.

My old roommates and I used to keep a running list of the dumb things we would say. The first day we did that, we filled up a page of quotes. Last night we were hanging out and decided to document these moments again. Here are a few highlights:

Looking at the AT&T building.
“Oh, I thought that AT&T sign was the moon.”

After a girl slips and falls in the rain, in all seriousness, my friend said:
“Was she wearing rollerblades?”
Later on…
“It was sure slippery when she fell.”

I was just looking at some of the pictures taken at my sister’s wedding banquet a couple of years ago and came across one where my brother and I were dancing in front of everyone there.  My sister and her husband wanted everyone to start dancing and urged my brother to start it off.  He made me go up with him because he didn’t feel like doing this in front of 800 people alone.  So, we pretty much did whatever dance we could think of.  I did my best horrible fake dancing moves as a joke for a couple of minutes and then sat down.  I had paid my dues.

A few days later, my mom asked me, “Where did you learn those moves?”  I was like, “What are you talking about?  I was just joking when I was dancing out there.”  She said her friends were so impressed by the dancing my brother and I did that they wanted me to teach them how to dance.  My mom looked really proud of me.  I felt bad for them – if they thought my moves were great, what did that say about theirs??

Last week in an interview with Associated Press, Kanye West said the following:

“I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice,” he said in an interview on Wednesday. “It’s me settling into that position of just really accepting that it’s one thing to say you want to do it and it’s another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan.”

He’s so damn arrogant, but I do like his new song “Street Lights” off of his upcoming 808s and Heartbreak album…  Dammit Kanye, you got me again!

One of my friends is moving to Alaska in a couple of weeks. During this time, he has found out that there are still a lot of people out there that don’t know where Alaska is. When he told his friend he was moving to Anchorage, his friend replied with, “Wow! You’re moving to Canada?!” He got that from two different people. The pronounciation of Anchorage seems to be difficult to master as well. His tattoo artist said, “That’s cool that you’re moving to Unkorage.”